|How can you say no to that face? Well I usually do, so there. And ignore my kitchen, we use the dining room table for baking, but with a cleaver the counter seemed safer. And why do I have so much clutter? I need a bigger house!|
So this is sort of baking related. It is more of a lesson on how to be the best parent you can be. While not really listening to your kid.
That makes total sense right?
It also involves food, so you know, totally baking related.
Also it is full of lots of babbling, sorry, you should be used to that by now.
Well let me start with the story and then you can judge for yourself. As long as you are judging the story, and not me. Okay?
So as you all know I have a kid. We call him Pork Chop, and by we, I mean me. And Pork Chop is a weird little dude. He can talk your ear off, and by can, I mean he does. And so I have become really good at just, you know, tuning him out. And I say that as a really good parent. I mean he is alive still and I love him. I really do, so keep that in mind okay?
|Here he is, in all his glory! Drinking out of a coconut! I didn't get a picture of him spiting it out.|
So this past week when I had him at home for a few days while his day care was closed I was trying to keep him somewhat entertained. It went sort of like this.
Me: So what do you want to do tomorrow?
Pork Chop : I want to go to Sky zone ( trampoline place) and Niagara Falls.
Me: Um we can do Sky zone, but no Niagara Falls. How about a movie?
Pork Chop: Sure, and I want to drink out of a coconut.
Me: Okay sounds good!
Then I realize I have just said yes to something and not really paid attention. So I then realised I have to clarify.
Me: Um so you want to drink out of a coconut?
Pork Chop: Yep!
I guess he saw it on TV or something. So I figure, I have to, I said yes after all.
|This is what young coconut innards look like. Sort of like worms, but they are called coconut noodles. Either way, gross.|
So I promise him that after I finish work the next time I will get him a coconut and it will be amazing. Then I panic. Because I only ever drank out of a coconut once. And it was nasty. My sister and I used to pester my mom to get us coconuts all the time. And she would give in like once every two years or so. And my dad would use a wine cork to get to the juice and we would take a sip and gag, then he would put it in a pillow case or something and smash it on the concrete floor. And we would not eat the insides and it would piss my mom off. Good times I tell you.
So I was not too sure what to do, I mean I have seen people drink out of coconuts in China town, and I figure they like it so that is what we needed to do. So after work I hit the china market store and got two young coconuts. Because that is what the ones the people had in China town looked like. So I got them home and Pork Chop looked like he had won the lottery.
Score one for mom!
|After the "dance" and before the taste. I was all "pose for me" and this is what I got. Will I never learn?|
Then I went on line to see how to open them, because they are not the small brown ones that Hubby said he knew how to open. So I watched a video on you tube, and this lady was all "OMG this is like the most tasty thing ever!" And she seemed to know a lot about them, so I was all "we are going to do this!" And then I got out my chef knife and cleaver and Pork Chop was all "Can I do it, please?!" In his cute little " I am a man!" voice.
And I told him no.
And he got mad, and then we went to work. I told him to get us each a straw, because I am stupid and I bought two of them. So the lady told me, via her video, to use the knife to cut off some of the outside husk. So I did that. Then she told me to use the edge of my cleaver and just whack away at the top to make it sort of pop open. So I did and the juice started to fly and Pork Chop started to scream and I was all "here it comes!!!!!" And I got a dish and put some of the juice in it, it looked gross. And then I handed Pork Chop the coconut and he was all "I am scared!" And I growled at him that he better taste it or I would break his legs.
|If you look closely you can almost read his lips. "don't take my picture." Yeah, it must run in the family.|
Yeah I did, over a $2 coconut, but I nearly killed myself trying to open it. Anyway he tasted it and nearly gagged and we ended up just pouring all the juice into a container. Then he was upset. And I promised to buy the real things later that night. Then, I got out an avocados scraper and doing as the lady said, scrapped out the coconut stuff. It was slimy like worms. She seemed to have a near orgasm when she had hers, said you called it coconut noodles. I was stubborn and dug it all out, and started to take the skin off them, and was going to let it dry out.
Then Hubby came to the rescue. Because in my mind, I had spent $4 total and was not going to waste it. He was like "what the hell is that!?" So I explained it and he just totally made me feel stupid when he said "why not just toss it out?" And then I sort of loved him, in a sort of I want to kill him sort of way.
|And there you have it folks, he can cross it off his bucket list!|
So I did, and Pork Chop was all "we have to do it again, with real coconuts" Because obviously I was wrong and got fake coconuts.
So later that night we had a date night at the Playdium place. Which I hate. We played lots of video games, we rode bumper thingies, and I drove a two seat go cart. With a huge pillow behind me because I could hardly reach the pedals. It was a good time. But after that we went to Whole foods because if anyone is going to have a "real" coconut they would. And they may have these itty bitty macrons that I may or may not want to live off of. Really it was all about the coconut, sort of.
|He was so slow about it, taking his time, waiting for the most tasty thing ever!|
Anyway we got to the coconuts and I let Pork Chop pick out the ones he wanted, he wanted to get one for Hubby too but I convinced him I would share. I mean for $3 each and knowing how well the others went, this was just to save myself a few bucks. Anyway I showed him how to shake them to see if they were full, and he was all grossed out. That right there should have been my first clue. But we were there and I wanted to get my treats, I mean coconuts, so we got them.
Then I said we had to wait until the next day, as these suckers are hard as heck and Hubby said he was going to crack them.
So after work the next day I told Pork Chop we were going to try them. And then my child, who you know is my child because of this. And you know I am the best parent ever because I didn't take a picture to protect him. Picked those two coconuts up, and held them like boobs and started giggling and dancing and singing something along the lines of "oh look at my boo boos, they are nice boo boos!" Yeah we call boobs boo boos, so yeah. Parent of the year award is on it's way right?
|And he sat with that coconut until I finally just said "you don't have to drink it" I have never seen a look of thanks like that before.|
So I tell him to stop it, and try to keep a straight face. Then Hubby arrives with his chisel and hammer. And I again tell Pork Chop to get us some straws. And Hubby is all "he wants to drink for the actual coconut?" Well d'uh. why else would I be doing this. Seriously. So he tried some stuff, and was not getting anywhere, so I told him to use the wine bottle opener like my dad did and it worked. Then Pork Chop tried it and gagged, again. Sigh.
So I had to try it, and I nearly gagged and that was it basically. Except Hubby broke up the coconuts and took out the insides so I can do something with it. Hope I figure it out before it goes bad.
And on a side note, my dad told me he used to drink from coconuts in Africa. He lived there for a while in the 60's I think. He said they used to get the locals to break them open as there was nothing else to drink at the beach. They also got drunk off them, Hubby said because they fermented. But Dad said there was nothing else to drink, so that was it.
And there it is, how I am a bad parent. But I mean really, what can I do, my dad used to drink coconuts too, so it must run in the family.
|Thumbs up for trying! And for reading this whole post. AND for not judging my messy house.|