If We Didn't Have Bad Luck.....

We would have no luck at all I think.  These past two days have been bad.

This picture really has nothing to do with this post, but that is my Pork Chop and he is cute, so it makes me happy to share.

  I think writing about it will help, so sorry it will be a downer, a little good though, so you know, not all bad.  Feel free to skip over it all, really it just helps me to ramble on about it.

  It all started off great, I was so excited for this weekend.  The Red path Show was on this weekend.  And I had taken the day off on Sunday to go with Hubby and my Mom.  It was something I had been looking forward to since Hubby pointed it out on the sugar bag about a month ago.  Hubby is a good egg, he saw that and was all "we are so going!"  I love that man.

  Anyway, we had it all set, my sister was going to take Pork Chop out to the movies and we were going to go and eat all we could and buy lots of fun stuff.  I was really good because I had only brought so much, so I didn't go nuts, I got a huge bottle of vanilla bean paste for a steal and some cookies and really that was it.  The prices of most things were not great, and I either had them or didn't need them.  Can I just say that I never thought I would say those words, but I really didn't feel like I needed anything else.

  But my mom?  She did, she felt that I needed an early Christmas gift.  I have been wanting a larger kitchen aid for a while, like a long while.  I have the 4.5 quart one, the one you may have seen before.  And I loved it, just not when I needed to do larger baking, which is a lot of the time.  This would make it so I had to do multiple batches, when I could do one batch in a larger one.  Anyway, there was a sale on the one I wanted, and she was all "let's get it, Merry Christmas!"  And I felt guilty, because I wanted it so badly, but it was a lot.  She said, no it was my gift, and that I should get it if I wanted.  So we did, and I cannot believe it.  I will not have anything to open on the holidays, but seriously?  I am a very very lucky girl.

I got this one, but in a slightly different colour, I think I would have loved red, but really this works way better in my house anyway.  I just need to find some super hero decals, like I promised Hubby I would.

  So after our wonderful shopping and pigging out we went home.  Mom headed home and we settled in to have a few hours of time to just hang out and watch TV.  My sister still had Pork Chop and I was determined to watch some Netflix and eat Pizza.  So Hubby ordered us some and I got into some ugly sweat pants and got laundry going.  Hubby headed out and that was when I sat down to look through all the stuff I got at the show.

  That is when our lives changed.

  I got a phone call, I could not understand the person on the other line.  They kept saying Hubby's name.  I kept telling them he was not home, the person sounded like they were on a phone far away or something.  Then I hear Hubby say "just tell her I am okay."  And then it hit me, something had happened.  I am not 100% sure what was said, something about come to the intersection. The one behind my house.

  I hung up, and ran out the front door, in my ugly sweat pants, socks only, and the house phone still in my hand.  I ran to the road and then down the block.  I didn't see anything really, the street sort of curves.  Then I figured how bad can it be?  Then I saw him, he was sitting on someones front lawn, surrounded by people. I ran as fast as I could, then I saw the other person.  A motorcyclist, laying face down in the road.  I could not get to Hubby fast enough as soon as I did, I fell down and I went into a bit of shock.  "what happened?" was all I could get out and I was hugging him.  He looked like he was about to pass out, he looked like he was in shock and he couldn't really tell me.  He told me to let him go, he could not breath.  People were crowding him and I had to ask them to get back.

  I won't go into all the details, but there was obviously an accident and at that point we did not know if the other person was dead or alive.  There were people all around him.  It seemed like forever but the ambulances, the police the fire department showed up.  The first to be looked at was the person on the road, he was breathing, but some stander by had taken off his helmet.  Possibly injuring him more, so we were told.  Hubby could hardly breath, I dialed my mom on his cell, and it went to voice mail.  I was so shaken, she called right back.  She had just walked in the door at home.   I screamed "Hubby hit a motorcyclist, please come!"  And then Hubby said "I didn't hit him, he hit me"  He was just devastated.  There were people everywhere, they kept coming up to us and asking Hubby if he was the driver, was he okay.  But they were just being nosy, they were not police they just wanted to know what was going on.  I was calm but as strongly as I could I would tell each and every one of them "he is fine, please give us some space"  We had the few people near by that were witnesses and that was enough help.

 I cannot remember it all perfectly, but the police talked to Hubby, let us know the other man was breathing and then they asked how it happened and such.  A kind neighbour brought out his dining room chair for Hubby, he will be getting some thank you treats as soon as I can.  The police asked if he wanted to go to the hospital and he was saying no.  Typical Hubby, not wanting to admit he could be hurt.  He went, because I would not allow him not to.  He was in shock, and he said his back hurt, I mean the air bag got him so yeah, it was a big hit.

  Once Hubby left, I had to wait to find out what was going on.  Basically they had to make sure the other person would survive and then we could deal with the cars.  My mom showed up as I got back in the house to change.  I frantically called a work friend, not sure what I said, but she knew I would be off the next day.  Mom and I walked back to see if we could get stuff out of our car, they still were not sure but I wanted to get to the hospital.  So we went back to my house, where my sister had returned with Pork Chop.  I could not tell him, I still did not know if everything was going to be okay.  So I told him Hubby was at the doctors as he was not feeling well, so I had to go.  We went and got Hubby, who was just released.  No major injury, his back was very badly tweaked, but he was going to be okay.  The other news?  The motorcyclist would at worst have a few broken bones.  It was something I would never have believed after seeing the accident.

  After we got home I talked to Pork Chop, I asked if he had seen the police.  He said he had, that they were all over.  I told him that it was an accident and that Hubby was in it, but he was fine, Hubby was home at this time, so Pork Chop was not too upset.  He was a little excised actually to think we may get a new car.  What a boy.

  At this time we are waiting for insurance to tell us where we go from here.  We had insurance, and I could never imagine not having it. So for now we sit, we have to hear if our car can be fixed, or if it is a write off.  I am scared, this is going to be a huge issue for us.  And it will be an on going thing for a while.  I know some things we had planned are not going to be able to happen, and who cares.

  I am so thankful that I have Hubby, even though he is really sore.  At least I am just dealing with a car, not a funeral. Our 10 year anniversary is Friday, and I could not imagine having him not be here.  I just don't know.  We are second guessing everything.  What if we had got delivery?  What if we had waited a few minutes?  What if we had gone out to eat?  Hubby is beating himself up, and I can understand that, but it was an accident, and no matter what, he is here.  And the other person will be okay, not even a broken bone so we have been told.

  Yesterday we had to run around and get a rental and sign papers, see the police and the doctor again. It has been crazy.  Hubby is sore, but won't admit it, you can just see it.  I just know we are all here still and that is all that matters.  So I hope to get back to some form of normal soon.  Pork Chop started hockey last week, so we are going to make treats for the team Friday night, and also some for the very kind neighbour who we don't even know.  Who with just the kindness of offering a chair made a big difference.

  And so as to leave it on a positive note. Our rental car is a Ford Edge.  I now feel like my car is nothing.  Seriously this car has everything, and a moon roof. It took me over 5 minutes to just get ready to drive it the first time.  And don't even ask me about how to start the darn thing properly.  Pork Chop is in love and hopes we can get one.  It won't happen.  Our van was in really good shape, but it was 6 years old with a lot of distance on it.  So if it is a write off, well I don't want to think about it.  If you know anyone at Ford who wants to give me a cool SUV, let me know, I mean come on, I can at least blog about it.  And if not, I told Hubby we could get me one of those tiny little electric cars, he was not amused.  Oh well, I still have my Hubby, and no one has to plan any funerals.

 Also Pork Chop told all his friends, he is so like his Mom tells everyone everything.  Hubby, he won't tell anyone.  That is why we work so well, and that is why I keep him around.

  Anyway, life could be so much worse.  Thanks for reading.

Wedding Cake Pops

I was not thrilled with these, but looking back at them they are better than I thought.

  I have not been able to blog for about a week now really.  I was busy doing a desert table for a friend of mine.  I had taken three days off of my full time job and had my mom and sister help.  It was crazy!  So I am not back on a schedule yet at all.  I just want to lay in bed and be alone.  I am feeling really low, and I don't know how to deal with it really.

 Not a great way to start a post, but it's how I am feeling.  I feel really sad and alone, and  I don't know why. Is it the fact I feel the weight of being a mom and knowing I am not doing a really good job of it? Is it because I have gained weight and went through so much to lose it in the first place? Is it just that I want to sit and cry a lot of the time, but I just cannot?  I don't know. I just know my depression is hitting me harder right now, and I want to pretend like it's not.  I want to feel like nothing is wrong and life is perfect.  But it just isn't.  

  I don't know how I can complain so much when I am so lucky, I just feel wrong, and I hate feeling this way.  So I think I may need to take a few weeks to find me and try to get my happy back.  Not sure I will be able to, but if I keep at it the way I have been, I will start to hate life and I don't want that.

  So I figured I would share a few pictures here of the cute cake pops I did for my Hubby's best friend and his new wife.  Then I think I will just try to take it a bit easy.  If I can post I will, I have a few things I have done in the last few weeks, then I hope to be back at it again in a month or so.  Maybe I just need a break, a little time to just be.  

  So sorry for the downer post, but I am struggling and I think I need to put my time in for the really important things, my son and Hubby.  And me, I sort of count too, although I don't feel like it really matters right now.  So please stay tuned I bet I will be back at it in a few weeks, and as I said I have a few things ready to post so I won't be totally gone. I will try to keep up on my blog reading at least, that helps me to feel some joy.

The bride had wanted pink and white and cream coloured chocolate.  I screwed up many pounds of it, so did milk with lot of sprinkles, she seemed just as happy.  Or she was just happy the wedding was over, who knows really.

She is a graphic artist so she designed all the label stickers it was so easy to use them.

They got married right here, and had their first dance on the steps, it was so sweet.

Rainbow Spritz Cookies-or How I Nearly Killed Pork Chop

Okay, I know this sort of looks like bugs, but they are cookies.  I am not impressed either.

 Okay before you start to read this, I must say something.  I wrote this the day after I baked these, and it seems I must have been in a very foul mood.  I have been feeling sort of down lately, my depression has been playing with me.  I think I have been doing really well, but it seems that some days I just cannot shake it and it shows.  I still struggle some days, and I guess it will always be a struggle.  Also poor Hubby tries his hardest to treat me like a normal person, which he does a really great job of.  He goes above and beyond in most things. ( lets not mention the socks he still leaves lying around to taunt me.) And Pork Chop knows no better yet, so the looks he gives me just make me chuckle.  I mean I really am teaching him how to treat women, because if he ends up with a girl half as crazy as me, she is so going to be one lucky gal.

  So please try to understand that I am not crazy, this post just shows one of my days where I wanted to hide from it and I obviously didn't.  So I did what I usually do, I try to make a joke out of it.  So if you laugh, great, I sort of made it work.  And if not and I sound like a loon, well I am a loon, and it shows more in this post I guess.  I have drugs people, good drugs, and they just are not working 100% right now.  But as of today I feel better. Sort of.

  I just wanted to share that.  Not sure why, but I felt the need to let you know that I struggle, and not every day is a great one. And maybe this is my PSA to you all, that not everyone is perfect.  I am so not, just ask Hubby.  Do you know when the last time I vacuumed was, I mean really cleaned this place?  Me neither.  I do am awesome job of cleaning what I need to, but an over all cleaning, well lest just say it has been a while.  So you can sort of see that even though it looks like I have it all together ( I know, you never thought that) I don't.  I fly by the seat of my pants, and Pork Chop doesn't get gourmet diners, he eats alpha-getties more than I would like to admit, but it works for us.  And he is loved and mostly happy, I mean you cannot take a 7 year old kids word for it. He would probably tell you we are horrible parents.  We don't let him play x box 24 hours a day, make him brush his teeth and yep, even try to get him to eat veggies.  But we are doing the best we can.  And I am totally rambling, and have lost track of where this was going.

  So just remember I am human, and am totally not perfect.  And my baking is an outlet, maybe the wrong one some days, but it works for me.  Sometimes, again, some times I just want to eat store bought stuff, so I do and I feel better.

 So sorry for the total off topic ramble, but here is my super happy post.

  I know.

  I tried.
 
  Anyway.

 So do you ever have those days where you think about the day ending at work, then getting home and sitting on the sofa and watching trash TV?  And watching trash TV while eating junk.  You know the kind of day I'm talking about right?  You don't have to actually admit it, we have all been there.  And you know what, those days really seem to come more often in the colder months.

The dough, yuck!

  So I had one of those days and I was all set to make it work for me.  Hubby was going to be working late, making it a perfect night for me and Pork Chop to just be quiet.  I looked up movies and planned to race home and get him, head to the theater, load him up with popcorn, get some poutine and watch a crummy kids movie.  I mean people it would have be great; a whole hour and a half of poutine and sitting.  My dreams really are very small you know.

  So anyway I rush to daycare, over an hour early, to grab Pork Chop.  I get him in the car and say "I was thinking of going to the movies to see "_____""  And that little bugger just said "No thank you, but thanks for asking." ( I am not going to admit the movie, it may taint things a bit, but it was no blockbuster that's for sure.)

  What the #$%@%$!  This seriously has to be the most annoyingly cute kid ever.  Who taught him to be polite, and who taught him to turn down a movie.  I was all like, "Oh okay, well let's head home."  In my mind I was thinking, so I had a whole hour to myself I could have watched trash TV and ate junk, but now it's going to be cartoons and whatnot.  Sigh, I cannot win.

Remember his cute face, I may have killed him by the end of this post.

  So when we get home I ask Pork Chop what he would like to do, it is our night to bond and all with Hubby at work.  He of coarse says he wants to play X Box.  No I said we have to do something.  How about a craft?   Play a board game?  Read a book?  Anything?  "No thank you."  I seriously considered breaking his legs at this point.  Only because he gets to play a lot of video games and I really want to cut down, and wanted to spend some quality time with him.  What?  Watching a movie and eating poutine is quality time! And it seemed like the right thing to do, being a working parent and all.  Right?

  So as any sane mother would do, I took a deep breath and told him what I wanted to do.  I said I was going to make something and did he want to help.  I told him I was going to make bread and he was all "No thank you, I want to make cookies."  I nearly snapped.  I mean, I love cookies, I love baking, but the only thing I had planned was as simple bread thingy.  So I stupidly ask, "what kind of cookies?"  I was chanting "chocolate chip, chocolate chip, chocolate chip!"  He was not having any of it.  "Rainbow cookies"  was his reply.

Oh God, the gross "log" of dough!

  Um, well, oh.......

 So I had to think fast, I didn't have M&M's, which would have made the chocolate chip cookie work, so I panicked.  I then remembered he loved the cookie gun ( spritz cookie maker) and I said, " what about cookie gun rainbow cookies?"  The look on his face was enough, I sort of won.

  And there you have it. How my night of pigging out on poutine and watching a movie was turned into a night of me making cookies I hate.  I mean I figure these were the only cookies I have ever made that Hubby ate, so at least we had that going for us.

  So I set to getting everything out.  Pork Chop washed his hands, proceeded to scratch his face, and washed his hands again, then got his little stool out so he could do the measuring.

He was all, "I'm making cookies!"  Then he made 5 and was done. Sigh.

  We started with the flour, which if I have not mentioned before, Pork Chop thinks smells like the most amazing thing ever.  I sort of worry when he opens the jar and sticks his face in, inhaling and making that "ooh ya" sound.  It's wrong, but you know, it could be worse right?  He tried to convince me once that my mom let's him eat flour, she was all "oh no I didn't!"  I know mom, he may be prone to telling little white lies. I have no idea where he may have gotten that habit from.

  So Porky Chop measured out the flour, the sugar, the salt, the baking powder and cracked two eggs.  Without getting shells in the bowl. I was really proud.  Then we move to the other side of the kitchen to mix it all together, he likes to work the controls on the mixer.  So once all that was done we had to make it rainbow.
We used the same recipe I used here, just adding Amereicolor soft food gel paste to colour it.


 I let him pick out three colours and set about getting the dough out of the bowl.  I made the mistake of saying it would be like playing with play doh.  He proceeded to grab a ball of dough and start squishing it.  I tried to tell him we don't play with cookie dough too much or the butter will melt, but since I had stupidly said play doh, it went right over his head.

I don't know why I felt this post needed two pictures of the gross bug like cookies.

  So he of coarse gave up after a minute and I finished mixing the three colours.  I made them into sort of a log and rolled it all together.  Then we got out the cookie gun and I cut a piece of the three colour log of dough ( I know, log sounds wrong)  and rolled it thinner to fit into the gun.  Pork Chop did the first five cookies then gave up because of his little hands. So I was stuck finishing the darn things all by myself.  At least he stood there and yelled "reload!" for me after each squeeze.  Which is not as helpful as it sounds. I could have been poutine people, but oh no, I'm squeezing out 100 rainbow cookies that I hate.

  Remind me again why I wanted kids?

  So once they were all done, I decided that I wanted to put some glaze icing on some.  I had a bit left over in the fridge and just drizzled it on.  I think they taste better with the glaze, and if I wasn't so lazy I so would have put black sprinkles on these to make them into caterpillars.  Don't they look like the right shape for that? Then I thought the guys at work are not going to want to eat bug cookies, at least not when they sort of really look like gross bugs.  So you know, at least I have and idea for next time.

The glaze didn't make them look any better, look at that one in the bottom right corner.  It looks more buggy than the rest.

  And there you have it, how I got screwed out of a quiet night of cartoons and poutine.  Pork Chop is lucky he is cute, or he would be in a wheelchair now.

  Also it should be noted in the labels, I started one "how I almost killed Pork Chop" because you know that may become a recurring theme in the coming years.