Birthday Cake For Daddy

The demolition derby cake.

  So Hubby is the first birthday of the year in our house.  And as such, I try to make is special.  Okay not really, I just use it as an excuse to make a cake.  Which I sort of hate.  Cakes are hard, I don't like having to make them all perfect.  And you have to cut them, and that means sharing.  I don't share well, I want my own thing, you have yours and no touching!  So I do it because I love him, and because Pork Chop thinks it's fun.

  Last year I had the bright idea to cover Hubby's cake in gummy candy.  He would live off of gummy bears if he could, I actually think he tries to some days.  Anyway, I took Pork Chop to the bulk store last year and we loaded up, I mean I don't know what I was thinking really.  We had enough to cover like 10 cakes.  Or as Pork Chop proved, one cake.

 I was hoping for something different this year, I was all ready to do cupcakes, and thought Pork Chop would agree. So I asked him what he wanted to make.  And the little bugger remembered last year and said he wanted to make a demolition derby cake.

The set up.  I put out like 1/15 of the candy that I did last year. Still too much.

  Now to most people a demolition derby cake would be cool, not to me.  What it was is he took as many gummy cars as he could and shoved them into the frosting, into the cake and piled them on. Then he added gummy bears, gummy worms and gummy coke bottles, I think I even got sour ones.  EWWW.  Poor Hubby was trying to eat it, but he had a pile of frosting covered gummies and just a little bit of cake.  Oh well, it's not about him anyway, it's about Pork Chop being able to show his love by decorating a cake for Daddy.

See it started out so well, he was placing them. Then he  started to throw them on.  In handfuls.

  So we set to work, we made a box mix cake, because Hubby loves cherry chip cake.  ( I don't hate it, but I am sort of against it, unless there is chocolate it is just wrong!)

 I baked it in a 9x13 pan.  Then once it was cooled I made frosting.  I have no idea why, but I cannot make frosting for that man.  I can do it every other time, but for him something always goes wrong. One year I made it so thin, the top layer of the cake fell off.  Then this year, I somehow made the butter and milk all lumpy.  I still just kept adding sugar until it sort of smoothed out. I was not too worried, I knew half would end up in the trash.

See, still sort of good.

  So I put a thick layer of frosting on, then Pork Chop went to town.  But I stood there and said things like:

"that looks great, I bet that is plenty."

"wow look at all those candies, I bet that is enough."

"I think you have too many on there."

"for the love of all that is holy stop!"

Okay maybe not that dramatic, but it makes for good blog writing.  

And then I tried to get a picture.  Those of you with kids know, they don't co operate.

Which means you take like 20 pictures.

And they start to eat the candy to make you stop.

So when he was done I let him lick some frosting off the beaters and we hid the cake in the fridge with a note on the lid that said "top secret, keep out Daddy."

Look how tall he is!

Why is he getting so big!

I'm going to have stop feeding him, it's the only solution.

Then the next day we said happy birthday to Daddy, he asked Pork Chop where his 34 candles were. And I gave him a dirty look and went to work.  

The end!

So wrong!

Rainbow Spritz Cookies-or How I Nearly Killed Pork Chop

Okay, I know this sort of looks like bugs, but they are cookies.  I am not impressed either.

 Okay before you start to read this, I must say something.  I wrote this the day after I baked these, and it seems I must have been in a very foul mood.  I have been feeling sort of down lately, my depression has been playing with me.  I think I have been doing really well, but it seems that some days I just cannot shake it and it shows.  I still struggle some days, and I guess it will always be a struggle.  Also poor Hubby tries his hardest to treat me like a normal person, which he does a really great job of.  He goes above and beyond in most things. ( lets not mention the socks he still leaves lying around to taunt me.) And Pork Chop knows no better yet, so the looks he gives me just make me chuckle.  I mean I really am teaching him how to treat women, because if he ends up with a girl half as crazy as me, she is so going to be one lucky gal.

  So please try to understand that I am not crazy, this post just shows one of my days where I wanted to hide from it and I obviously didn't.  So I did what I usually do, I try to make a joke out of it.  So if you laugh, great, I sort of made it work.  And if not and I sound like a loon, well I am a loon, and it shows more in this post I guess.  I have drugs people, good drugs, and they just are not working 100% right now.  But as of today I feel better. Sort of.

  I just wanted to share that.  Not sure why, but I felt the need to let you know that I struggle, and not every day is a great one. And maybe this is my PSA to you all, that not everyone is perfect.  I am so not, just ask Hubby.  Do you know when the last time I vacuumed was, I mean really cleaned this place?  Me neither.  I do am awesome job of cleaning what I need to, but an over all cleaning, well lest just say it has been a while.  So you can sort of see that even though it looks like I have it all together ( I know, you never thought that) I don't.  I fly by the seat of my pants, and Pork Chop doesn't get gourmet diners, he eats alpha-getties more than I would like to admit, but it works for us.  And he is loved and mostly happy, I mean you cannot take a 7 year old kids word for it. He would probably tell you we are horrible parents.  We don't let him play x box 24 hours a day, make him brush his teeth and yep, even try to get him to eat veggies.  But we are doing the best we can.  And I am totally rambling, and have lost track of where this was going.

  So just remember I am human, and am totally not perfect.  And my baking is an outlet, maybe the wrong one some days, but it works for me.  Sometimes, again, some times I just want to eat store bought stuff, so I do and I feel better.

 So sorry for the total off topic ramble, but here is my super happy post.

  I know.

  I tried.
 
  Anyway.

 So do you ever have those days where you think about the day ending at work, then getting home and sitting on the sofa and watching trash TV?  And watching trash TV while eating junk.  You know the kind of day I'm talking about right?  You don't have to actually admit it, we have all been there.  And you know what, those days really seem to come more often in the colder months.

The dough, yuck!

  So I had one of those days and I was all set to make it work for me.  Hubby was going to be working late, making it a perfect night for me and Pork Chop to just be quiet.  I looked up movies and planned to race home and get him, head to the theater, load him up with popcorn, get some poutine and watch a crummy kids movie.  I mean people it would have be great; a whole hour and a half of poutine and sitting.  My dreams really are very small you know.

  So anyway I rush to daycare, over an hour early, to grab Pork Chop.  I get him in the car and say "I was thinking of going to the movies to see "_____""  And that little bugger just said "No thank you, but thanks for asking." ( I am not going to admit the movie, it may taint things a bit, but it was no blockbuster that's for sure.)

  What the #$%@%$!  This seriously has to be the most annoyingly cute kid ever.  Who taught him to be polite, and who taught him to turn down a movie.  I was all like, "Oh okay, well let's head home."  In my mind I was thinking, so I had a whole hour to myself I could have watched trash TV and ate junk, but now it's going to be cartoons and whatnot.  Sigh, I cannot win.

Remember his cute face, I may have killed him by the end of this post.

  So when we get home I ask Pork Chop what he would like to do, it is our night to bond and all with Hubby at work.  He of coarse says he wants to play X Box.  No I said we have to do something.  How about a craft?   Play a board game?  Read a book?  Anything?  "No thank you."  I seriously considered breaking his legs at this point.  Only because he gets to play a lot of video games and I really want to cut down, and wanted to spend some quality time with him.  What?  Watching a movie and eating poutine is quality time! And it seemed like the right thing to do, being a working parent and all.  Right?

  So as any sane mother would do, I took a deep breath and told him what I wanted to do.  I said I was going to make something and did he want to help.  I told him I was going to make bread and he was all "No thank you, I want to make cookies."  I nearly snapped.  I mean, I love cookies, I love baking, but the only thing I had planned was as simple bread thingy.  So I stupidly ask, "what kind of cookies?"  I was chanting "chocolate chip, chocolate chip, chocolate chip!"  He was not having any of it.  "Rainbow cookies"  was his reply.

Oh God, the gross "log" of dough!

  Um, well, oh.......

 So I had to think fast, I didn't have M&M's, which would have made the chocolate chip cookie work, so I panicked.  I then remembered he loved the cookie gun ( spritz cookie maker) and I said, " what about cookie gun rainbow cookies?"  The look on his face was enough, I sort of won.

  And there you have it. How my night of pigging out on poutine and watching a movie was turned into a night of me making cookies I hate.  I mean I figure these were the only cookies I have ever made that Hubby ate, so at least we had that going for us.

  So I set to getting everything out.  Pork Chop washed his hands, proceeded to scratch his face, and washed his hands again, then got his little stool out so he could do the measuring.

He was all, "I'm making cookies!"  Then he made 5 and was done. Sigh.

  We started with the flour, which if I have not mentioned before, Pork Chop thinks smells like the most amazing thing ever.  I sort of worry when he opens the jar and sticks his face in, inhaling and making that "ooh ya" sound.  It's wrong, but you know, it could be worse right?  He tried to convince me once that my mom let's him eat flour, she was all "oh no I didn't!"  I know mom, he may be prone to telling little white lies. I have no idea where he may have gotten that habit from.

  So Porky Chop measured out the flour, the sugar, the salt, the baking powder and cracked two eggs.  Without getting shells in the bowl. I was really proud.  Then we move to the other side of the kitchen to mix it all together, he likes to work the controls on the mixer.  So once all that was done we had to make it rainbow.
We used the same recipe I used here, just adding Amereicolor soft food gel paste to colour it.


 I let him pick out three colours and set about getting the dough out of the bowl.  I made the mistake of saying it would be like playing with play doh.  He proceeded to grab a ball of dough and start squishing it.  I tried to tell him we don't play with cookie dough too much or the butter will melt, but since I had stupidly said play doh, it went right over his head.

I don't know why I felt this post needed two pictures of the gross bug like cookies.

  So he of coarse gave up after a minute and I finished mixing the three colours.  I made them into sort of a log and rolled it all together.  Then we got out the cookie gun and I cut a piece of the three colour log of dough ( I know, log sounds wrong)  and rolled it thinner to fit into the gun.  Pork Chop did the first five cookies then gave up because of his little hands. So I was stuck finishing the darn things all by myself.  At least he stood there and yelled "reload!" for me after each squeeze.  Which is not as helpful as it sounds. I could have been poutine people, but oh no, I'm squeezing out 100 rainbow cookies that I hate.

  Remind me again why I wanted kids?

  So once they were all done, I decided that I wanted to put some glaze icing on some.  I had a bit left over in the fridge and just drizzled it on.  I think they taste better with the glaze, and if I wasn't so lazy I so would have put black sprinkles on these to make them into caterpillars.  Don't they look like the right shape for that? Then I thought the guys at work are not going to want to eat bug cookies, at least not when they sort of really look like gross bugs.  So you know, at least I have and idea for next time.

The glaze didn't make them look any better, look at that one in the bottom right corner.  It looks more buggy than the rest.

  And there you have it, how I got screwed out of a quiet night of cartoons and poutine.  Pork Chop is lucky he is cute, or he would be in a wheelchair now.

  Also it should be noted in the labels, I started one "how I almost killed Pork Chop" because you know that may become a recurring theme in the coming years.

Banana Chocolate Chip Whoopie Pies - Eating the Alphabet

This is the best picture I could get, Porky was having a play date and I thought I was going to kill one of them.  So no time for pictures, just eating them!

 So this is going to be a great post.  I am really excited to be part of this blog hop.  I was first introduced to blog hops through the 12 weeks of Christmas cookies.  And it was perfect.  I learned so much and I really enjoyed that there were so many others out there reading and sharing with me.  That awesome blog hop was put together by Brenda over at Meal Planning Magic.   And I loved every minute of it, so when Brenda sent out a note to all of us letting us know about her new years blog hop suggestion I was so excited.  Now mind you I think she meant for most people to put together cooking posts.  I said well I want to play, but it will be sweet, because if there is one thing I love, it's sugar.  

  So here it is, the first instalment of eating the alphabet.  This months letters were A and B.  And I was all set to make something with apples.  Then I thought about it and figured I would have to peal them probably and that is a lot of work.  Then I thought well bananas, so that is what I went with, if you couldn't tell by the title.

  Now baking with bananas means you need really ripe bananas and I didn't have any, so I had to plan ahead.  I got hubby to buy me some bananas, but I had no idea what I really wanted to make, so we may have bought a few extra. They are now safe and sound in the freezer all ripe and ready for when I want to make these again, because you know I totally want to.

So to start off, I was thinking of making banana bread or muffins, but those are not usually cute.  So I thought about cookie, and that just didn't sound right either.  So I found my trusty baking book and picked out a whoopie pie to make.  I changed it up just a tiny bit, but you know it's still going to be good.

See this looks gross, but it smells really good.  Bananas and lemon juice

So here you go, super yummy baking with fruit in it.  Which I may have pointed out before as being wrong, but for this, I will admit I might change my mind.

Banana Chocolate Chip Whoopie Pies

Adapted from Whoopies, by Susanna Tee

set oven to 350

-2 ripe bananas

-1 TSP lemon juice

-1/2 cup butter

-1 cup light brown sugar

-1 TSP vanilla 

-1 extra large egg

-2 cups all purpose flour

-1/2 TSP ground cinnamon

-1 TSP baking powder

-1 TSP baking soda

-pinch of salt

-3 TBPS sour cream

-1 cup mini chocolate chips

Start by mashing your banana with the lemon juice.  I used a potato masher and then a fork.  Set it aside.

Blend butter, sugar and vanilla until light and fluffy.

I was a little worried because the mix was sort of watery, but it was fine.

Add the egg.

Combine and sift all the dry ingredients, and add them to the butter mixture.  Then add the banana and mix.  

I only got 6 on a tray, and a total of 20 full pies.

Lastly add your chocolate chips and stir until they are distributed.

I would be lying if I said I didn't eat a few of these hot out of the oven,  so good!

Take a small cookie scoop and place the mixture by the scoop full on a parchment lined cookie sheet.  Bake for about 8 minutes, until they are done, but still soft.

Once baked, let them fully cool and make your filling.

Filling

-1 1/2 cups butter

-1 TBSP vanilla

-3 TBSP cocoa powder

-icing sugar

-milk

So this is just like my regular butter cream, just no shortening.  So cream the butter, add your vanilla and cocoa and then alternate adding sugar and milk until you get as much as you want, and as thick as you want.  I made mine with 2 KG of sugar, so I had lots of extra to make other stuff with.

I made way too much, I have like 5 cups left, I would not be opposed to eating it with a spoon for diner.

Place your pies half wrong side up and the other just regular and using a piping bag with a large star tip, pipe as much or as little as you would like.  I like a lot, obviously, so I did more.  But feel free to do less, I won't think any less of you, I would just have to eat more of yours.  

I set them all up, only because I am OCD with some things.

I put a lot of filling, the chocolate and banana was just amazing.

That's it, then just store them in a container in the fridge until ready to eat.  Mine didn't last too long, and one girl at work told me she really liked my "whoopie cushions"  which was hysterical, because she really thought that was the name.  So no matter what you call it, they are good.  And as an added bonus they are healthy.  I think the ratio of banana to sugar and butter is fair, and if not, at least you get a bit of fruit in your diet.

Another view because I think they look so yummy.

Oh and the one on the left is the left over monster one I made.  And I ate it and had to hear my tummy gurgle for hours afterwards.  So only small ones for me from now on.

Mini Garlic Bread made with Biscuit Dough-Monkey Bread Style

Right out of the oven, and these are "home made" because you use real butter.  It's a rule, trust me.

  I saw this a while ago, and you know it caught my attention right away.  Why?  It is made with pre made biscuit dough.  I can work with that!

  So to make these I sort of just winged it.  Because when I bake I follow recipes to the letter, but when I cook I just sort of throw things together.  I am gifted that way, or not.  I hate cooking, so maybe that says something.  Anyway, I figure since these are savoury they are cooking, don't argue with me, it won't help.

This is all you need, please excuse the yucky cookies in the back ground.  

  To start I turned the oven to 375, because that is what it was already at after baking some cookies.  Then I got my kitchen scissors and washed them, they were clean, but I am paranoid you know.  Then my favorite part, I took the tube of biscuits and popped that bad boy open.  I still squeal a little when it pops, it scares me, even though I know it's going to happen.


Super amazing muffin tin garlic bread thingies
makes 6

You will need :
1 tube biscuit dough
1/4-1/2 cup butter melted
3 TBSPs minced garlic
some sort of shredded cheese, as much as you want

My goodness it looks so pale and blah.

  Then I cut each round into four and put it all in a bowl.  I melted about half a cup of butter and mixed in about 3 TBSP's of chopped garlic.  We buy the big bottles of it already chopped.  Once when we bought it whole and I chopped it myself, I got a burn on my hand from it.  I had pealed like 6 pounds of garlic.  So this is just way cheaper and easier.

  So I mixed the butter and garlic and some really finely shredded mozzarella, because that is what I had, and then poured it over the dough.  Then I stuck my hands in, realized I had not taken a picture, washed my hands and took a picture, then tossed them all together to coat them.

As you can see, it's mess with all that butter, but so worth it.  Don't forget to put the muffin tin on top of a cookie sheet just in case it drips.

  I used a regular muffin pan and put 6-7 pieces in each cavity, I ended up with six muffins.  I poured the extra butter and garlic on top because it seemed like a waste.  Then I put a bit more cheese on top.  And I then put the muffin tin on a cookie sheet, because knowing my luck and all that butter, it was going to get messy.

Right out of the oven, I should have let them bake a few minutes longer the inside was done, but still a bit doughy.

  So I put them into the oven and they ended up needing about 15 minutes, to be brown and crispy on the outside.  Then I pulled them out, took a picture and sat down to eat one.  Um, it was amazing!  So good in fact that I ate another, and that was my whole diner.  Because I am not supposed to eat bread, it is so heavy. I then felt bad and put the rest away for Hubby.  When I went to wash the trays, I found that the butter had leaked out of the muffin pan a lot, so I was really glad I had used the cookie sheet to catch it.  Could you imagine cleaning that up?  Neither could I, so it would have been bad.

I love how you get to pull it apart, so good!

 Anyway, I so want to make these again when I have a nice diner, which won't be often because I don't do nice diners, Hubby does but not me.  I make a mean cookie, but that cannot always be diner, right?

Valentines Chocolate Chunk Cookies

I guess chocolate chip cookies are not that photogenic, or I just take crappy pictures.  I choose to blame the cookie.

 Hey, so you may or may not be sick of Valentine's day themed foods, but I'm not.  I mean pink, red and chocolate just go together you know?  So I wanted to get in one last theme treat before the end of the holiday. Now I still have like 50 pounds of Valentines sprinkles ( I may be obsessed or something.) So I will be using them on a few things, that may be posted after.  So for those things, we will not call them Valentine themed, we will say they are baked with love.  Because that totally allows me to post things I made after the day right?

  I thought so.

Doesn't this just scream Valentines? Do smarties scream?  If a smartie screams in the woods, does it make a sound?  And if so, why are the smarties in the woods in the first place?  I am so confused!

  Anyway this is an easy but yummy treat, and I have posted the recipe before.  I call it the perfect chocolate chip cookie base recipe.  I should trademark that right?  Well you got it here first, so that is almost as good.

  So I used the recipe I listed before and just Valentined it up a bit.  I wanted to use M&M's but there were no bags of the just red colours here.  Or if there were I couldn't find them.  So I went with smarties, which are almost as good, I was still eating these cookies like they were going to be my last.  Wait I do that with all my cookies, so you know, never mind.

I hate that he is getting so big, he almost doesn't need his stool anymore.  And ignore the mess, I make him measure at the counter so he doesn't spill all over my dining room floor.

  So to get started I had Pork Chop all set to help me, he measured out everything, twice!  I had to make a double batch.  We had a few things to make.  I wanted jumbo cookies for his hockey team ( and they were huge!) I wanted small ones for work to share and then I wanted to try making deep dish ones for Hubby to eat with ice cream.  At this point I should let you know that he never really got one, I was a little too fast for him in that way.  But they freeze well and I did not make myself sick; much.

See that is how I do it, make the kid work and then start putting it all together.

  So after Pork Chop measured everything out, he lost interest and I was left to mix everything up. Which is fine really, but sometimes I wonder if that is how he is going to be in life. Starting then never finishing things.  I hope not, or his future spouse may kill me.

  For these I did half smarties then half chocolate chunks because I wanted the two textures in the cookie.  It worked great, just so you know.

The chocolate chunks I use are like little mini chocolate wafers, so cute.  And tasty.

  For the jumbo cookies I used my large ice cream scoop, it is like 1/2 cup I think.  I just scooped four onto a lined cookie sheet and baked them for about 11 minutes.  I really like chewy cookies so they need to be under baked a bit.  

See they are so big you can only get 4 on a tray.

And then let them set on the cookie sheet for a few minutes before moving them to a cooling rack.  I used my smaller cookie scoop to do normal cookies and I used about 2 1/2 scoops of the dough to make my deep dish cookies.  I just used the silicon heart pan I had on hand.  Now just a word to the wise, not sure if it was the dough or the smarties but it sort of stained the mold with a white film, I have not really scrubbed it yet, but it may be the colour of the smarty, they do not bake as well as M&M's.

I just sort of mushed them in there, they were so good!  And I think they baked for about 11 minutes too.

  I put the jumbo cookies in some cookie bags I had and tied them with ribbon.  The kids were thrilled, and I felt like crap.  You know why?  When we were walking into the arena there was a bake sale set up.  I mean I had no idea, but then the team might have bought stuff if I had not brought the cookies.  So I felt bad and wanted to go say something about how horrible I am, but then they would probably think I was crazy.  Which I am, so I just gave out the cookies in the locker room and tried not to look at the kids selling stuff as we walked out.  Most of the cookies ended up being eaten as the kids left the arena, so you know, they were flaunting it, not me!

  For the little ones I packed a box for work, then froze the rest in bags of 6 to take out and eat as we liked.  And the deep dish ones, oh my word they were good.  If you freeze them you pop them in a bowl or plate and microwave for about 30 seconds and then top with ice cream.  If you don't freeze 15-20 seconds should do you.  

You can sort of see how thick this is, the center gets all gooey and chewy when you heat it up and it holds a scoop of ice cream on top just perfectly!

I am also linking up here:)